Hello my love,

Today, in this letter, I want to acknowledge one of the most beautiful things that you have given me. It is a gift no other being, no other man, has ever thought to give me.

That is the gift of you, both openly and unconditionally, seeing me.

You see me.

You see me for my pretty and not-so-pretty ways.
And somehow, you still remind me how beautiful I am, every time you see me.

You see through my anger, insecurities, and sadness, and you don’t waver or scare away. Instead, you give me space when I need you to, or hold me through it when I am too vulnerable to ask you to, always with compassion, care, and gentleness.

You see my sense of humour and understand my smiles. You love to joke back and forth with me and make me laugh until we have tears in our eyes and our sides hurt.

You see me.

You do all that you can to cultivate what you see. You don’t diminish me, make me feel less than, or try to change me.

You see the things I’m not so good at, and you support me through them without making me feel stupid, which I always appreciate.

You see my visions for the life that I want to live. It excites you because it aligns so beautifully with your visions, and you have been doing everything you can since discovering them to help me make every bit of it a reality.

You see my truth, even when I try to hide things from myself, and you don’t hold any of my own BS against me.

You see my strength, my fire, and my ability to move quickly when I am so inspired, and it doesn’t scare or threaten you.

You look into my eyes and I know you are seeing my heart and everything that wants to be expressed but maybe I am too scared to express.

You see how brightly I interact with others, and you stand back in admiration as you give me the space to shine.

You see me so freely and openly that makes me feel so safe.

I know everything you do is real because you are not asking me to be in your life from a place of lack or need. You are asking me to be in your life just for the pleasure of enjoying watching me be me — and maybe the few teasing laughs I bring your way.

I love you for seeing me when I am down and especially when I am at my best. I love to look over and see your little smile and your eyes filled with love, watching me shine my light.

But now, my love, I see something I couldn’t before, the quiet longing beneath my desire to be seen by you. I see that what I truly longed for was to see myself through your eyes…

I finally realised that having desired a man who sees me is a need. I have needed you to see me.

You have loved me so unconditionally, and here I am, setting conditions on you.

Forgive me, my love. Forgive me for failing to see myself for all the ways you see me, and for expecting you to see me regardless.

As of today, I am making a change, and I am putting it in writing:

My love,

I relieve you of seeing me.

I relieve you of this condition of seeing me and loving me from that place.

Instead, from this day forward, I will finally open my own eyes, and I will finally see myself for all the ways I wanted you to see me.

I will now gift myself the gift of truly, openly, and unconditionally seeing me.

I see me for all that I am.

I see me for my beautiful days and my messy days too.

I see through my anger, insecurities, and sadness, and I hold me through it with so much compassion, care, and gentleness.

I see my sense of humour and big smile, and I allow myself to create beautiful moments that make me and the people I love laugh until I have tears in my eyes or my sides hurt.

I see me, and I don’t diminish me, make me feel less than, or try to change me.

I see the things I’m not so good at, and I support me through them.

I see my visions for the future I want to live, and I do everything I can to make them a reality.

I see my truth, even when I try to hide things from myself, and I don’t hold it against me. I allow myself to gently go through processes and then find ways to reward myself when I reach my heart and my truth.

I see when I need to be held or supported, and I ask for help when I need it.

I see my open heart, the love in it that goes deeper than words can express, and the way that I live from that place so fearlessly.

I see my strength, my fire, and my ability to move quickly when I am inspired. I am so ready to allow that to continue to grow.

I see me. I love me, so unconditionally. I see the way I have done all that I needed to do for me to feel safe, to go through the darkest and loneliest nights, and to heal.

I see the way I live with my heart open, boundaries firm, and that I allow myself the time to really appreciate my beauty and all that I bring into the world.

I love me for seeing me.

So thank you, my love, for building this life with me, for opening my eyes, and for showing me the way back to me — just through seeing me through your eyes and the grandest love you have for me.

Because in learning to see myself, I have learned what love truly is": the reflection of the divine in my own eyes.

With a full open heart that sees, unconditionally, I love you.

To my sweetheart,

I write to you again today from the beach, as I sit here with the soft, clear water washing up the coast and back into the ocean. The bright macaws fly and leap between the trees surrounding us, and there’s no one else in sight except you, walking down the beach, wading through the water to grab some food from our boat anchored just a few meters away.

The sun is bright, the skies are clear, and the breeze is barely touching my skin, cooling the hot sun.

It feels so still, so magical, so perfect.

I’ve been to places like this before, but never where the entire beach feels completely ours.

This magic, this peace, reminds me how far I’ve come. I remember how much I used to worry, how afraid I was of not having it all, or unsure what next step to take to finally achieve something. What a different life I once lived, where everything felt like a hurdle or a struggle. A time when I was desperate to have a family and children, to have money and success, to have a home filled with beautiful things.

Sure, all of that is wonderful. But to be here today, where none of it matters anymore, is the greatest freedom I’ve ever known.

You always saw life this way, but it took me time. It took me time to realise that I don’t actually care about some of the things that I thought were of such a value. It took me time to let go of the conditioned human need for children and material comforts. It took me time to see the only truth: that being with you, and the work we bring together for the people whose lives we touch, is all that has ever truly mattered. You’ve always been so wise. It just took me time to catch up.

Back then, I was so caught up in those old needs that I didn’t even notice you. It took time for me to slow down enough to see you, and I’m so grateful that I finally did. Because this life with you is better, fuller, and more real than any other path I could have chosen.

I love traveling the world with you, going on adventures with you that I once only dreamt of sharing with my partner. I love watching you make new friends and build collaborations that light you up. I love the projects we’re creating together with such ease, clarity and vision, always supporting and lifting each other as we help others grow, connect with their hearts, and remember.

I love the peace I feel when you are present. The joy that moves freely through my body as I dance between places, ideas, and people. I love the space you give me when I need to sit in ceremony or ritual, and the way you hold me every night as we whisper our last thoughts before falling asleep.

I’ve said this before, and I’ll say it again: thank you for sharing this life with me. Thank you for the dreams we get to live and manifest into reality together. Thank you for making it so easy for me to be. What more could I possibly ask for?

I have always felt you in my heart. And while I don’t believe everyone has one destined counterpart, I’ve always known that I do. Now that I’ve made clear choices for my path, and now that we have come into this beautiful union, I know that you and I will live our long, beautiful lives together. And when it’s time, we’ll return to the stars, hand in hand, going back to what calls us, to where we’ve always belonged. Together.

Until that day, I’ll keep choosing this life with you. Whether we are soaking in the beauty of all that Mother Earth offers, or in the midst of our mission of serving humanity, I choose you. Again and again. Every single day.

Good morning my love,

It’s Wednesday morning. I’m sitting on the patio again with my cup of tea next to me, enjoying the sun and the warm breeze. The bird feeder I hung is working! I have been watching the little finches and robins flying in, dancing and eating together. We need to get them water.

I’m writing to you this morning because I remembered a dream I once had. Before we met.

A dream of me laying next to a man as we looked up at the dark sky and watched the stars together, in each other’s arms. I had no idea who that man was, but I had a knowing that it would, someday, come to life with the man I am to spend the rest of my days with. Three years after that dream, I laid watching the stars with you and I remembered the dream, realising it was you.

I remember that first time when we laid and watched the stars together. There we were, laying next to each other with your blanket beneath us, and mine above us, and observing the stars and the entirety of this incredible manifestation of the universe in this one night, together and in silence. Hands next to us, not even realising that they were barely touching, too distracted and in awe of the moment.

It turns out, as I found out later is the common thing with you about almost everything, you knew so so much about the stars!

You broke the silence with a gentle voice, and began telling me about the stars, incredible mythic stories, some I heard before, but none so beautiful and elaborate. My favourite was of the 7 Sisters and Orion. How did you know how deeply connected I was to these stars? To these stories?

As I laid in silence and in wonder, I suddenly felt your gaze on me. I turned my head and caught you watching me. You suddenly began telling me a new story with an exaggerated voice this time, something so silly I barely remember…but made me deep belly laugh so much. I playfully and lightly smacked you in the stomach and you used that as your excuse to finally pull me in…murmuring something about keeping me warm.

Did you already know how cold I am nearly all the time?

As I rested my head on your chest and we laid there together in silence again…enjoying each other’s warmth, closeness and the stars, you whispered more tales of love, mythical creatures and adventure. I stared up, not sure which stars you were talking about by that point, but I didn’t care so much.

As you spoke, I marvelled at the beautiful moment we were sharing: The way you felt next to me, the way it felt so easy and light being with you, the way you touched my arm or your chin felt against my forehead as you spoke.

A moment in earthly time that I saw in a dream, in the physical, and where time did not exist, across realms.

A moment that embodied the truth of all we were, have always been, and always will be.

I remember this dream this morning as I sit here in our patio with my tea because last night, 20 years after the first time we laid and witnessed the stars, almost to the day, we watched the stars again, for the gazillionth time.

The shyness and awkwardness is gone, but we were the same. Our wonder in the way we witness the universe and each other, exactly the same.

We laid there, with your arms around me to keep me warm, you whispering the mythical stories you tell so well and me not fully grasping which stars you were talking about. Both of us loving every moment of just being together, holding each other, feeling as happy and in love as we did in my dream 23 years ago, as we did that first time we laid and watched the stars together 20 years ago and every day since.

There is something so special though in the memory of yesterday, that makes me ask myself if I want to replace our memory from 20 years ago with the memory of last nights.

It was in the familiarity of each other today and the way our love has deepened. In the feeling of this immense safety and freedom with you and in the surrender of our complete selves in each other’s company. Even as our eyes hold each other, witness each other, to our truest and deepest essence.

The depth of our union has moved me. Reshaped me. I am closer in my connection to the stars and the universe.

Because of your truest form of unconditioned love that you’ve shown me and that surrender you’ve allowed me to move into in your presence and in our home, I have learned to allow myself to build a deeper relationship with my heart and my connection to, everything, and to myself.

Thank you for this gift. Thank you for loving me the way you do. Thank you for allowing me to love you in the way I do.

Here is to another few decades of looking up at the stars, in each others arms…with so much love, surrender, in this realm and beyond.

To my love,

We only expressed last night the depth of our feelings for one another, but you are, and have always been, my love.

I knew it from the very first moment we were introduced. The way the universe orchestrated our meeting. How everything had to align so perfectly for us to be in the same room at the same time was nothing short of magical.

Before you were physically in front of me, life had already been teaching me how to surrender. How to truly embody what I always knew, the art of flowing through presence. The final lesson was letting go of the need to have children, finally realising that whether I have them or not, it cannot be planned or controlled. I would be truly happy and content either way.

Releasing that pressure as I approached 40 freed me. It softened my ideas about partnership, family, and the rigid timeline I had once held. I let go of the conditions. I trusted all the possible scenarios of my life. I let go of the desires and the grasping. And I found freedom.

Freedom to focus on my passions and projects.
Freedom to adventure through mountains and forests.
Freedom to study, to grow, to live fully without constantly peeking around the corner, hoping to find you there.

I was finally me. Batool. Full, whole, complete.
Not a half searching for her missing half. Not a third aching for her baby and baby-daddy.

I am Batool.
Content, happy, and at peace.

And it was then, in that state of wholeness, that the universe aligned everything for us to meet. Following my curiosity, flowing with my heart, I walked into that space, and there you were.

There you were, standing with a mutual friend, I noticed your conversation paused. A tall, handsome, confident man with a gentle, genuine smile. I felt an instant pull. I smiled back, and we hugged hello. In that moment, I knew, we both knew. I saw the recognition in the little twinkle of your eyes and the extra-long gaze I was surprisingly confident enough to hold.

You had been calling me in too. But we both needed time, didn’t we? Time to figure out who we were, where we wanted to be, and how we wanted to show up in the world. We had to do that on our own first.

And now, here we are.

Stepping into a new chapter of our human journey—in union.
Our strong, powerful, compassionate selves.
Wiser. Devoted. Whole.
Together not out of need or conditioning, but from a deeper knowing.

A destined encounter.

Since that first meeting, it has been so easy. So natural. So supported by the universe. The more we spend time together, the more I am in awe of how beautifully our lives, dreams, and visions align, even with our different approaches that somehow fit together perfectly.

The more we talk, the more I understand why the universe waited until this exact moment to bring us together. Because only now could we really see each other. Only now could we fully be who our community, and our mission, need us to be when together.

But it’s not just about the big things. It’s the little things, too.

The way you always make sure I am heard in a group.
The way I catch you looking at me and make you a little shy.
The way you open doors, fill my glass, and make sure I am cared for.
The way your mind works, and the way you speak about the world and care so more for what’s happening in Palestine—I could sit and listen to you forever. Though let’s be honest, I can never resist joining in.

I love watching you.
The way you can’t walk in a straight line.
The way you lead with care and wisdom that earns everyone’s respect.
The way you look off into the distance, thinking deeply before you answer, even when I ask something silly.

These are just a few of the things I’ve been privileged to witness so far.

I feel so grateful for this life with you. To know you more deeply each day. To build and create together. To make our dreams real and to make the lives of those who come to us better. And most of all, I am grateful to simply be here. Right now. In this café. You have just walked in, smiling that pure, beautiful smile. You look happy. And that makes me so happy.

I will close my laptop now.

Did I mention I love the way you walk toward me, eyes vulnerable, heart open, body so present? I swear it feels like slow motion. Or maybe I’m just that crazy about you.

Till the next letter, my love.

Batool

A dance is a conversation between two souls, guided by the spirits of the ancestors.
In many African cultures, dancing with a partner is not just a physical act but a spiritual one, where connection, harmony, and honouring ancestors are key aspects of the dance experience. The rhythm is seen as something that ties the living to the spirit world, and dancing together strengthens the bond between the physical and spiritual realms.

To my dearest love,

You’re a dancer! I still have to pinch myself sometimes when I watch you dance. Busting those moves, feeling the music and smiling from ear to ear at your dance partner. You’re a dancer!

Learning to dance in my early 30’s, I never imagined what an important role dancing and movement would bring into my life. All the lessons dance taught me as I connected deeper with my divine feminine essence, as I opened my heart of expression through movement, and all the connections and community it brought— dancing has brought me more than I imagined it would going into it!

Suffice it to say, dancing had become such an important part of my life! Yet, I kept it small and hidden in my heart in some ways, afraid to allow myself to feel it so much or admit it’s role in my life for fear it would have to compete with the man that would come in my life, as it had in the past.

I never imagined I would be spending the rest of my days with beautiful music playing in the background. I never imagined I would be dancing in every room of our home, the beach or at our community gatherings, with a man who understood all the gifts that dancing brings our souls, without me having to explain. That I would be dancing through time.

I never allowed myself to dream that one of the things that brings the most happiness into my life could really be a part of my life, for the rest of time. But the universe chose to gift me a man who dances anyways, even when I didn’t allow myself to dream it!!!

There we were this morning…I was washing dishes in our sun lit kitchen after we had just finished our breakfast, with morning breeze coming in through the open windows and door that opened into our land, with Odongo by Winyo playing on the speakers. I hadn’t realized I was moving my hips until you came and put your hands on my waste and gently pulled me against you. We moved together. I slowly removed my gloves and forgot about the dishes. I allowed myself to be swayed by the music, and to be held by you, as we felt.

It’s in moments like these, moments in time in between our past and our future, both together and apart, that we find our peaceful surrender and freedom in what our divine union has brought us.

It is in moments like these that I find myself in bliss. I find myself in acceptance and in love. It starts with feeling in love with you, the sun, the music, the movement and the abundance we have. And then, it moves me into this being of simply… in love. Where it is all I am.

I can’t help the tears that fill my eyes in gratitude, for me to look out into the blue skies through the open windows and to thank God, for the gift of this human experience, to be in movement and in sync with a beautiful man who’s chest I can fall back against, who can stand rooted as we move together. Through his rootedness, allowing me to fully surrender into my heart—into love—and from that place to feel every emotion that only a woman in the presence of her divine masculine allows and feels to this depth…of peace and calm, of safety, of happiness.

In these moments with you, looking into the skies with the music playing and our bodies moving together, I long for nothing but to dissolve into the present.

Alhemdulilah (Thank God), for dance having entered my life all those years ago. Alhemdulilah for you making such a space for it in our lives so I can feel this way nearly every day. Oh what a gift this life is. What a gift it is with you.

Amoot 3elaik.

Tula

The only lasting beauty is the beauty of the heart. – Rumi

My dearest love,

Good-morning.

I can’t help but smile from ear to ear just writing those words. The exact words I say to you still, every morning, when we wake up, next to each other, in our incredibly comfortable bed (that only took us 30 years to find!) and in our beautiful home at the top of the hill, overlooking the forest in the east and the coast in the west.

What a beautiful and incredible life we have built and lived together, my love. How fortunate we are to be in our 80’s and still be waking up with the other by our side.

This particular morning, I woke up a little earlier than typical. I slowly turned over to check if you were awake as well, but found your eyes closed with your hands resting on your belly, sleeping.

I laid there, quietly. Taking the opportunity to watch you. Marvelling at your wrinkles and grey hair –your full head of hair at that!--and I wondered…. What might we look like in 10 years? Could we possibly get more wrinkles? I mean, I still look at least 20 years younger, so maybe it is possible for me…you on the other hand? Not sure you have any space left!

I laughed a little to myself, in marvel and in adoration for every one of your beautiful wrinkles, imagining your laugh had you heard my joke about your wrinkles. My laugh was quickly interrupted–by your fart! You opened your eyes widely and laughed your quiet laugh that I am so used to. That was when I realised you were awake the entire time, had an inkling to what may have been going through my head, as you always do, and that I was making myself laugh again when you heard my little giggle. You had decided to make me laugh even more. As you always do. So no, the fart did not me at all.

You old man!

You turned over, as quickly as your bones could allow–which is relatively fast still!--and you kissed me, rested your head back on your pillow, and smiled into my eyes.

“Good morning, old man.” I said, with a scrunched nose, trying to hide my laughter. You laughed in reply.

Looking at you never gets old. I watch you, enjoy you, and marvel. Every day. I still marvel at your gentle soul balanced with your unyielding strength.

Our beautiful life, our little ones and their little ones, all our adventures and our dancing across time, flashed before me. As it does more and more as I age.

I looked into your eyes again, you looked back at me with so much softness, and you put your arm around me pulling me closer, until my forehead rested below your cheek and my chin on your collar bone.

From the day we came together, I decided to never take you for granted. I mostly kept that promise to myself. Sure, we have had some days in our long life together where I got caught up in my own head, but I always found my way back to us. I always found my way back to holding you with strength when you needed me and watching you with admiration when I was able to step back as you went about being you.

I then pulled my head back again to look at you, and as you looked back at me, I wondered if you made the same promise to yourself? Because you mirrored the same blissful love and marvel I was feeling. And you nodded as you pulled me back under your cheek. Reading my mind. Again.

Good-morning to you always, my love. And I look forward to whatever gift that today brings us.

Yours,
Tula

Hello my love,

I haven’t been able to write you for a while now. Mostly because I have been off centre dealing with so much pain and releasing. I had lost the ability to not only connect with the truth in my heart that so wanted to be expressed, but I also needed time. Time to work through pulling myself out of a hole on my own, without you witnessing it all. So I disappeared for a little bit. But I am ready again…and I want to start with being honest with you. Maybe more honest than I have ever been, even with myself.

These letters I have been writing you, well… I am writing them to you before knowing who you are in the physical. I feel so connected to you though in every other sense of the word. So I will keep on writing you. I will keep on writing you my hopes, my dreams, my weird, random, funny thoughts and about all our beautiful time together and all the adventures we experience.

Today is different though, I wanted to be honest with you. Not only about these letters as I have already above, but also about where I am at today.

Today, for the first time in my life, I feel…content. I feel grateful and just…stable. I feel good. My life had typically been a bit of a swinging pendulum between so much joy/excitement and chaos/darkness. Okay, more than a bit. :) But over the past month, things shifted and I am somewhere in the middle now. Between chaos and excitement. Between darkness and light. Between happy and sad. Between the sky and the earth. I’m here, in my body, and I am neutral.

Being in the middle means so many things for me. It means I feel uncomfortable, as this is not a normal way of being for me. But it also means I am finding so many little joys in my days now; so many beautiful moments with other beings. It means I am moving into a peaceful surrender and an easy flow. Even when the pendulum swings a little bit, I’m easily finding my way back to stability and calm. To my heart.

What does this have to do with you, though? Well, I am realising that being in this place of feeling content within, I am also feeling content without. Meaning…I don’t need you, anymore.

This is why I am writing you today. This is why I needed you to know the truth. I simply don’t need you. Not in the way I used to.

I don’t need you to exist in the physical today to hold me and make all my problems go away, because I finally learned how to hold myself and work through my own problems.

I don’t need you to create a better life for me with your love in it, with our children and with our home, because I AM home, and I feel deeply loved, by me and by the universe. I love my life in this moment, exactly as it is and I don’t want to escape it.

I don’t need you to laugh and to share experiences with because I laugh on my own at the simplest joys, and I am creating so many incredible memories with the beautiful souls in my life.

I don’t need you to teach me about business, about crypto or to help me succeed at my work, because I am working with the right friends to teach me and support me where I need, and I am finding my way to success in the way that aligns with my truth.

I don’t need you to build me a home. I don’t need you to make me feel safe. Because I am home and I feel so safe, both in my body and where I am physically. I feel safe from my past and within my present. I feel safe and ready for any moment that is to come. I made myself feel safe.

I didn’t need you, I never needed you. I thought I did…I thought this is what it meant for me to finally feel the deepest expression of love a human can possibly experience. But I was wrong. because the deepest love I could feel is the love that the universe, God, source or my heart has for ME. And I have felt that exact love, and it moved me. It touched me in ways I could never imagine. I was so in awe of it I cried and enjoyed every second of it.

So no…I don’t need you, my love. I am ok without you…more than okay. I am happy, content, in love with all that life has to offer, so present and so…grateful.

I know you are on your way to me. I know you are nearly here. I have felt you. And when you are here, I will open my heart and home to you. I will look into your eyes and love every part of you, with all of my being and all of my heart. I will make new dreams with you and have profound conversations with you. I will laugh with you. I will create a family with you and build a home with you. I will go on adventures with you, and have the best sex of my life with you!

But I am also so happy without you. So good without you. So in love without you. I would be okay even if I had only imagined the energy of you coming in and you never manifest in the physical! I am content and my heart is full. Just as I am.

My whole life, I defined myself by my relationships and my status within them. My whole life I depended on the idea of a man to save me and make my life better. But now is the time when I will finally be honest with myself, about who I am and what I actually want.

I am is a woman who is capable of doing anything, actually, and when I realise I can’t do something, I am resourceful.

I am a woman who can find a good home in a beautiful community and can attract my own abundance and mental health to truly feel supported and safe both internally and externally.

I am a woman who values my peace and energy above being with just anyone.

I am a woman who knows my worth, who believes in my values, who puts a lot of sweat into my growth and loves fiercely.

I am a woman who is content, and for the first time, mean it when I says it.

So no, I don’t need you…and I am realising finally, that I never actually did in the first place, I was just so convinced by my lack of self worth and lack of self love, that I did.

And I wonder, do you understand me when I tell you that because I don’t need you anymore, that because I finally found my way into my heart and my way to loving myself so unconditionally, that I love you even more now? More than I have ever loved you before?

I love you, wherever you are in the world. I hope you are well. I hope that you are happy and feel as content as I feel today. Whatever is in store for either of us, together or not, I pray for nothing but peace for you, and so much love. Siempre.

With all my heart,

Tula

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